Moving Goalposts

One of my teachers said once, "Balance is a moving target. You don't get to stay there," 

That's quite a thought. Take it further, and nothing has a fixed point that we get to hold onto- health, happiness, grief, it all shifts. 

​This is actually a good thing, because it lets us experience life. 

For years now, I've loved a snowfall. The simple act of seeing snow come down so gently and inexorably gave me such a feeling of weighted comfort, like the heaviest, fluffiest winter blanket. I had to sit when I saw snow, and when sitting I very badly wanted to lay down. Just looking at it though a window made me instantly ready for a good nap in bed, not just a quick couch snooze. 

See, for years I'd been... tired. Exhausted. Worn out. Beat down. About a decade ago I went through one of those things people go through, and I made it to the other side but at the cost of my vitality. Sleep became all important as a healing mechanism.  Convalescing took almost as long as the original events did. 

For the last maybe 3 years I've been rebuilding my strength. There are several parts to the process including nutrition, herbs, acupuncture, meditation, and rest. And I've seen a steady improvement in my stamina, motivation, creativity, and even skin texture. 

Over all this time I've used recurring events to mark my progress. Remember how last year I didn't go to that thing because I just wasn't up to it? This year was fun, even if I only went for a short time. 

We just had a late spring snowfall, an "onion snow" as my mom calls it, with big fat slow flakes all morning that coat the grass and cars but not the roads, and is gone by the afternoon. As I stood watching it, part of my mind was on my tasks and goals for the day. Suddenly I realized, I'm not so tired. The snow is pretty, and I'm enjoying it, but for the first time in recent memory it was just snow, not an absolute imperative to fall down with it. 

Part of the reason I am an herbalist is because we can get better, I've seen it, and there are many many ways to help you do that. I don't want to just feel a little less like I do now, I want to be well and strong and adaptable, with endurance and vigor. Wouldn't that be nice?

The state of our health right now, and our ability to envision it better and stronger, is limited by how long it's been since we felt our best and strongest. As you heal, as you improve, the goalposts move and what you expect from yourself becomes ever more tremendous. We're capable of amazing things, given the right circumstances. 

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