I’ve been working on Heart Opening during the past 2 weeks, leading up to today’s New Moon, under the assumption that I would be releasing blocks and barriers. I’m not sure that is the way of it, though!
Over these past weeks, I’ve had some interactions with others that have made me think about this, and about my Heart Protector meridian that my acupuncturist has worked on.
These interactions were potentially angry, upsetting, or deeply frustrating situations that I seem to have handled very differently than usual, surprising myself a little afterwards. In each of them, I was able to very clearly say, “No.”
It’s not that I’m averse to saying No- I’ve actually had more practice at it than the average bear, I think. What was different was an underlying belief that I was perfectly within my rights to assert myself. I had no guilt, no shame, no discomfort, no defensiveness. My attitude was, This is what I need/want/require/expect, and that’s it. It felt good, and empowering, and easy.
In the past, even the very recent past, these situations would have left me very unsettled and uncomfortable, wracked with unease or annoyance and replaying the conversation in my head over and over. These disquieting emotions are ones that I have aggressively avoided for the past several years. It takes a lot of energy to have them and deal with them! So I had slammed the gates of my emotional center closed against these types of interactions altogether.
Now, in addition to “opening” my heart and allowing caring, genuine people back into my life, it seems that I am also being called on to develop that Heart Protector rather than just encounter it. Heart Opening seems to involve well-oiled and re-fortified gates, and it will take some practice to open and close them as needed, appropriately, not according to fear.
I’m going to keep working on this through this next moon phase, as we approach the June Full Moon and the Summer Solstice. I still have Rose/Tahini herb balls in my fridge, there’s a rosebush in front of my apartment budding out, and I have my next acupuncture appointment tomorrow. It’s going to be quite a summer!
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