December 10 2012 Checkin
These last two weeks, I learned, again, that it can be done.
The Chopra Center meditations finished and I have been continuing a little sporadically on my own. I am also very consistent with the stream-of-consciousness journaling that we were assigned, and I LOVE that. I read something troubling this morning and felt all confused and conflicted and censored, so I did both silent meditation, after reading the Law of Giving piece I copied from the guided meditations, and the writing meditation and it really, REALLY cleared my head. I started teary-from-frustration and ended focused, a little compartmentalized, and ready to work even with that in the background.
I also put my nose to the grindstone again at my business, thanks in large part to my boyfriend. He never doubts that It Can Be Done, and gets really exasperated with my frequent doubt and worry and fear. But once I join him on that positive page, he's ready to help me move forward. I consciously WorkedWorkedWorked during set times, and RestedRestedRested during set times, and I didn't wear out! He had given me some great ideas to develop, and I made miles of progress on that highway, even getting to the exit lane of most of them. Balance is SO difficult for me but in class yesterday Maia used a great metaphor- the Energy Bank account was negative, it's gotten back up to zero, so don't spend it as fast as you deposit it!
Last night I was again sure it was all coming apart, and although I KNOW it's not, I still have to name those fears and look square at them before I can overcome them. And I look at them again and again, as we get the same lessons in life again and again, until we learn from them. I think I will always fear, so I try to get past them more quickly each time.
Now we have a month until our next class, thanks to the holidays. May they be peaceful and fulfilling.
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