Hello! Yeah, it's been a while. Not much, how 'bout you? :) Well, it HAS been a while. Just before Christmas I was Planning the New Year, and now the halfway point of winter has passed. It was a time of quiet for me. Sometimes I wondered why I wasn't writing anything here, and sometimes I wondered why I ever had, but mostly I just quietly worked and let time pass. Winter is the season of Water, and I felt it- like I was at the bottom of a deep pool, and eventually I'd bubble up to the top and get moving like a Spring thaw. As expected I did resurface, and it's wonderfully peaceful to know I can count on change to happen at its own pace! Many of my clients express their frustration to me about being "lazy", about finding it hard to exercise or even get excited about anything during this time of year. How I wish everyone would look around and see how "lazy" Nature is being, and how judgmental we are holding ourselves to different standards. A week ago we had an honest-to-goodness blizzard here in Philly. It was an entire day of strong winds and huge drifts and pity for people with dogs that needed walking. When I finally got back to my pilates classes, it was so much fun to listen to the stories about families getting snowed in, watching movies and doing puzzles together. None of these women, who are usually SO HARD on themselves, felt any guilt or self-recrimination for just laying low. Winter is all about laying low. Some days the sun is out and it's almost balmy, some days we have energy and motivation and can accomplish "things'. But on balance, Winter should be as quiet and restful a time as Summer is outgoing and social. I let myself just be over the last several weeks, and now I feel the wheel has turned and it's time for me to rejoin you. Maybe I'll take another break or three before we see flowers here again. Point is, accepting my downtime felt good. Don't beat yourself up over yours! In the meantime I did do my New Year's Planning, on my annual New Year's vacation at the Outer Banks. I also began some outside work to learn more, and some inside work to teach more. I met a pilates teacher who can substitute for me when I have to go away, and introduced myself to people who might further my dreams. And I knitted a poncho. It wasn't an empty time, just a quiet time. And I thoroughly enjoyed it! May the remainder of your Winter be as peaceful.
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Planning Day is something I’ve been doing for the past several New Year’s, although I just formally found it named by Jamie Ridler Studios. It’s a day to contemplate and review and dream, looking forward to the next year and, well, planning! I don’t have a formal process for my Planning Day. It’s just a compilation of thought prompts, journal questions, and daydreaming. Here, I’ll share my resources so you can develop your own guidebook for next year.
This year, I’ll start with her “Celebrate the Season that Was” and “Imagine the Season Ahead” worksheets to get into a good headspace by reviewing the year I’ve had and projecting forward as things put into action this year continue to influence my future. I’m also going to use her “My Focus Journal” worksheets to be more specific about what’s important to me, and how I want to focus on those areas.
I’m not sure that it’s still available for download anywhere online, so let me share the steps with you. You’ll miss out on the beautiful illustrations and instruction details, but you’ll also get the point!
I’ve done this twice already, and when I re-read them it does amaze me how many things in it have come to pass. I’m not great at setting goals, breaking them into action steps, and revisiting them blah blah blah. But writing a narrative that includes all the details I dream about, from where I live to what kind of soap is in my shower, really sticks in my memory and I find myself referring to it as a guide. Will this opportunity/choice/decision put me in that story?
These are the main tools I'll use as I daydream my way through looking ahead into next year. May the new year be merry and bright for all of you, too! Ahh, it's in the air... eh, you know all the cliches. Actually, for me, it's in my lips! Last week, in the middle of the day, suddenly I knew the season had shifted and WHERE IS ALL MY LIP STUFF?? All summer I was finding assorted Burt's Bee's Peppermint and Bloomsburg Fair Maple Syrup lip balms (anybody going to the fair? Will you pick me up a new Maple Syrup balm, up the aisle to the left of the main gate?) and tossing them into the dish on my dresser, wondering where they all came from, happily forgetting the desperation I would feel when first I needed them again. And then snap! The need was at work, the lip balms were at home, and I realized autumn had arrived. Last night was the Autumnal Equinox, so I included a little essential oil and Autumn Intention observance in pilates classes yesterday and today. We sniffed Black Spruce and/or Sweet Orange, and I posed some questions during class such as: * What have you been sowing all summer, that you can harvest now? * What are you missing, that you can look for, or forage for? * What do you appreciate? * What do you long for? * What do you want to purge or cut away this season? What won't store well over the winter? * After Samhain/Halloween, we're done with the harvest. What kind of energy do you want to take into the rest of the season until Winter Solstice in December? * What do you want this Autumn? Another thing that comes with Autumn besides chapped lips and intentions are colds. Yucky, cold, drippy colds. Sheesh. But there are lots of things you can do to help move them along:
So harvest up the last of your tomatoes, pull out your ankle boots and long sleeved t-shirts, and let's welcome our next season. I'm sure there will be some warm days ahead to say goodbye to Summer, but there are pumpkin whoopie pies and fresh apple cider (spiked with a little caramel vodka!) waiting for me. Welcome, Autumn! Barnheart: The incurable longing for a farm of one's own- Jenna Woginrich ("Farm" may be too specific a descriptor, exactly. Some suffer the want of livestock and acreage and twice daily chores and tractors, some simply the want of a just-picked vegetable for tonight's dinner.) Jenna explains, "It’s a dreamer’s disease: a mix of hope, determination, and grit... Barnheart is a condition that needs smells and touch and crisp air to heal." Hello, my name is Paula and I have Barnheart. My dreams lie more towards small things, gardens and little houses, rather than things with legs. But yes, I have Barnheart. Tonight I went outside with my homemade digestif to put my bare feet on the grass and look for the moon and I realized- that's it. I'm stricken with this chronic condition. I wanted to share a book that started me on this path. Really, I think those of us with Barnheart are born with the potential for it and when events and life intervene to separate us from our soul's desire (or whatever you want to call it), Barnheart arises. I can point to one specific moment, one specific book that unlocked the barn door, if you'll pardon the pun. From the Ground Up by Amy Stewart- the same Amy Stewart of The Drunken Botanist and Wicked Plants- wrote a memoir in 2001 about her first garden in a coastal California cottage. It follows one year of trials, learning, tourists, weeds, and finally, the importance of forget-me-nots. When I first read this, I was fresh out of college and full of half formed dreams. Like me, Amy wasn't settled yet. She only gardened at this bungalow for a year before she and her husband moved on, and in many ways that was one of the books most important lessons for me- impermanence is OK. Leave it better for the next person, and love it while you're there. I've put in gardens everywhere I've lived since. You never know what's coming, but a garden makes you hope for the future. I'm not living my dream yet but I can still have my bit of earth (The Secret Garden may have been part of my Barn building, come to think of it.) And although I dream of a sweet cottage garden, Amy helps remind me that gardening is a dynamic process of growth and death and war on a small scale, and it's so worth it. I've read this book yearly for about 10 years now, and I never get tired of it. Often I pull it out in late Winter and enjoy the utter lack of Winter that Amy experienced in California. In a few hours I can experience her entire growing calender from moving in to moving out, while the weather in PA calls for a total halt of outdoor activities. I think every garden I've started has been in memory of this book and it's testament to life. I see myself in her learning and her mistakes. One day I'll live in the permanent garden, the one that comes after this story. But for now I keep starting from the ground up, too. This weekend I was invited to guest lecture at Barefoot Botanicals' Herbs Through the Seasons monthly class in Doylestown PA. I'm telling you, if you are ANYWHERE nearby, you should take this class. One student drove up from her NJ shore vacation just to participate! Linda of Barefoot just inspires that kind of passion.
I talked about muscles and herbs, and followed the class out for Linda's botany lesson. I took this class with her last year, and it was great to see the same lightbulbs going off for her current students as I remember from my experience. Wild carrot IS Queen Anne's Lace?! Oh, I get it! Linda's co-teacher, Sharon Moncrief (Greenbrier Herbalist), was there for her skeletal system talk in the afternoon. I couldn't stay for that portion, but she and I got to chat as well- so interesting! Barefoot's farm is just beautiful. It's so lush and varied. Linda and Eric supply local restaurants (she was telling us about a green coriander encrusted scallop dish!), have a CSA and farmer's market stand, and Linda grows cut flowers and medicinal herbs as well. There's an amazing variety of plants, both wild and cultivated, in a wide variety of micro-climates on their piece of land. Dry, wet, full sun, full forest, everything is available. So go say Hi to Linda and her husband Eric at the Doylestown Farmer's Market on Saturdays, and check out Linda's 7 month class for next year. You will learn SO MUCH! Please permit me an indulgence. You see, today is July 1.
Yesterday was the last day of my lease at my old pilates studio. It was my last chance to move things out, my last chance to look around and hear echoes of my past. I'm very pleased with how my life has changed in the last 6 weeks, but there's still a sense of nostalgia knowing I won't climb those stairs again, or count them to descend in the dark. I won't see the evidence of the expansion that happened a few years ago thanks to the energy of a motivated friend. I won't have to look at the sagging ceiling panel, or struggle with the old windows again. I also won't have a second-story 90 degree view of trees and a field, windows on 3 sides to catch breezes, or risk being startled by a helicopter as it floats by at almost eye level checking the high-tension power lines in the spring. It was also fitting that, since I canceled the power company already, I couldn't vacuum the space one last time. So I grabbed the OLD broom and swept all 958 square feet by hand, as best I could. Out the door, down the stairs, and onto the pavement, I sent the last evidence of my occupancy into the world. THAT life is all behind me now, and I'm satisfied. Tonight I went outside during my favorite time of day- the gloaming, when "there's hardly no day, nor hardly no night. There's things half in shadow, and halfway in light."
I thought about to-do lists, and things I want to write to you, and about how wonderful it is to be able to pull a few weeds and talk to bunny rabbits and catch a lightning bug and just sit in the perfect, summer air. There's a perfect man-in-the-moon crescent in the sky with a haze around him, promising a perfectly miserable day tomorrow with the Northeast trifecta, Hazy, Hot and Humid. And there's good red wine and cool water waiting inside, and fans and open windows glorying in each breeze. So tonight I wish you peace and coolness. There's time enough for writing meaningful things, tomorrow. Happy Solstice, friends! The Summer Solstice marks the beginning of the summer season here, which is usually synonymous with beach vacations, bug bites, grilling, and lots of complaining about the heat :D To me, though, Solstice marks a different, big energy shift. It's time to settle in, settle down, and ride it out. I have the sense that summertime is out of my hands. There's so much fire energy that all I can do is observe and enjoy it, and do little things around the edges to prepare for Autumn. It's a time for Being. This is particularly relevant for me this year. The last two months have been momentous and will go down in my personal history as some of the most important times in my life. See, I quit my job! Sort of, that is. For over 7 years I owned a pilates studio franchise that I've been struggling with since, oh, since I became the owner, for a variety of personal and professional reasons. Finally, though, I was able to come to terms with one big realization- I don't like being a business owner. I had to face that idea, accept it, and learn to remove the guilt and other pressures that say owning a business is the height of wonderfulness. After I worked through all that, all sorts of connections I thought I had suddenly became meaningless. And just as suddenly, the universe aligned and things started happening for me. I found a new home for my pilates clients in a matter of days, after I've been searching for YEARS! Helpful people arrived unasked in my life, from customer service angels to friends bearing generous and well-timed gifts. I even won an online giveaway from one of the bloggers I follow, Philly's own Marisa McClellan. Just like that, BOOM, I moved my pilates machines, closed the studio, shut down the old website, handed in my lease termination, and quit the franchise. Then I laughed and cried and laughed like a bad movie about crazy people! It's been a month since starting my new position at Wholistic Fitness in North Wales PA. And I gotta say, I love working for them! Much of the transition chaos is behind me and I'm beginning to settle in, settle down, and begin my new adventures. Several times I've started to say I feel like a new person and stopped, because really I feel like my Old Self again but it's been so long since I've seen her that I've forgotten what she looked like. I am SO. HAPPY. I apologize for being silent here for the last few months, but I couldn't write anything except blow-by-blows of what was happening to and around me. But now, for the first time as an adult I feel free, on the edge of an expansive abyss of potential that shows me glimpses of tantalizing futures. I'm so excited to move into what Deepak Chopra calls "the field of all possibilities" and finding out where I go. Several years ago I read a story about a wise woman who, responding to a query about how she got on her personal path, said "But the path is always beneath your feet!" I've held onto that ever since, to the idea that even though I wasn't where I wanted to be I was still on my path. Now, suddenly, instead of being weedy and buggy and full of rabbit holes and fallen branches, I made a turn and found a well-groomed path, twisty and full of surprises but bordered by welcoming trees and covered by a cheerful sky. There's the path, and then there's The Path. I don't know if I was looking for the wrong thing all those years, or if it simply wasn't the right time, but whatever changed this past Spring has been fabulous. I want to say Thank You for everyone who has helped me get here. I am so enjoying my Now, and I can't wait to see what's Next! I’ve not had much training on drop doses, and I’ve been curious to learn more. I learned how to calculate “normal” tincture dosages during my time with Maia Toll, but the most I knew about smaller dosages came from only a few conversations about other herbalists who use them, and possibly using a drop on the wrist for sensitive people who can't stand a whole dose. I took a cue from the experiential learning that is part of Maia’s Sage School program and decided to test out some smaller doses on myself before doing research. This all started when I was trying to explain Homeopathy and Flower Essences and vibrational medicine. “It sounds like total BS but it works!” didn’t seem like enough; I wanted personal experience to back me up. On my kitchen counter I collected my potions- 3 Flower Essences, Milky Oat and Gotu Kola tinctures, and a high-mineral vinegar I made from wild edibles a Spring or two ago. (I chose these to help me rebuild mentally and physically, and to help me let go of some past baggage that kept weighing me down.) Using my metal water bottle, I first simply added a squirt of everything to my daily filling. Then, I was careful to never completely empty it before refilling. The idea is that the energy of the medicines remains in the water, and as long as you never drink all the water first you’ll have its "vibrations" in each refill. I said it sounded like BS! But this is exactly what I was testing out. After a few days I realized that every single time I “made” my water in the morning, I was overflowing the bottle and spilling some in my kitchen- on the floor, on the counter, everywhere but in the sink. How could I be suddenly so careless, when I didn’t usually spill things? I thought that perhaps the Earth wanted some and I said that aloud in frustration one morning. Immediately I had a different understanding- there was too much going into the bottle, like it was jumping out to escape overcrowding! It seemed ridiculous, yet I was totally sure. So I lowered the Flower Essences to 3 drops each day for the next week, and was more judicious with the amount from the two tincture droppers as well. The vinegar is in a pump bottle and the 6 squirts I had been using felt right, so I kept that up. I stopped spilling right away, and haven't since. The third week I lowered the Flower Essences further, to 1 drop each, and I added in a small dribble of Urban Moonshine’s Energy Tonic. I had been using that in the Fall but it is drying, and had become uncomfortable for me. Maybe, I reasoned, a little in all this water would balance out. After this third week I had my monthly acupuncture appointment. I always prep before our sessions, thinking back over the month and what I have to report to her. Really, there wasn’t much- nothing momentous had happened, sleep and digestion were fine, my month had been uneventful. The biggest thing was that Winter had suddenly broken and Spring was peeping around the corner, harkening change. She was a bit startled to feel how strong my pulses were. Weak Kidney energy had been a particular concern and she commented on how much more reserve she felt in me. This was strong evidence that the small doses, repeatedly diluted in water, were working to rebuild me! She even nodded gravely and said, “Impressive!” with a smile. She then proceeded to give me a Spring Liver treatment which was good and painful, since she got to needle all my most tender points. A few days after my treatment I started dreaming vividly, and realized I hadn’t done so for quite a while, at least several months. On that same day my intestines woke up and started gurgling madly, and I again realized I had missed out on any inside noises for a while. It seems I am restored enough that the Liver treatment was allowing me to ‘let go’ of more than just emotional baggage. My body is waking up from its Winter hibernation and is doing its own version of Spring Cleaning. So after several weeks of experimenting with tiny doses and ‘vibrational’ or ‘energetic’ medicine, I’m in. I can’t tell you why this works, or how. But I’ve seen better success with this method over the last month than I have in the past, using larger doses several times a day for the same amount of time for chronic issues. This morning I got an advance copy of the Spring 2015 Continuing Education Classes catalog from the Morris Arboretum- thanks Miriam! And here it is, my first-ever all-by-myself workshop hosted by someone else: Once the classes are on the Arboretum's website, Miriam will let me know and we'll have a link to register for it. But I'm in print! This is a happy Saturday morning for me :)
In the meantime, register for my other workshops on my Events page! You'll have fun and learn some things and taste some things and generally come away from the day knowing a little more than you did before. |
Fun Fact: I'm an herbalist and a movement coach. Not a doctor, or a pharmacist, and not pretending to be one on TV.
This is a public space, so my writing reflects my experiences and I try to stay general enough so it might relate to you. This does not constitute medical advice, and I encourage you to discuss concerns with your doctor. Remember, however, that the final say in your wellness decisions are always yours- you have the power to choose, you are the boss of you. And, some of my posts may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through them I'll earn a few cents. Thank you for supporting my work. This website is provided for educational and informational purposes only and is not medical, mental health or healthcare advice. The information presented here is not intended to diagnose, treat, heal, cure or prevent any illness, medical condition or mental or emotional condition. Working with us is not a guarantee of any results. Paula Billig owns all copyrights to the materials presented here unless otherwise noted. Categories
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