Balancing Act

I tend to think in terms of "I wonder what next year will bring?" rather than "This is how I will be different next year!" But last year I made a resolution, based on how I saw myself acting and reacting, to Say What I Mean, and Do What I Say. I wrote that inside a little notebook- an awesome one that has a little zip pocket on the front for little pieces of paper that I end up with all the time- and I began making my To Do lists for myself, my pilates studio and my herb ideas. I saw that quote often in the beginning of the year, and am proud to say that it doesn't really apply anymore- I learned to be more authentic, at least towards myself.

As I look over that first page, labeled 1/1/12, I see the same things written there that I would write now. How can that be? Did I do anything this year? Well, yes and no. This year will be remembered as the Recuperative Year, and I'm hoping next year brings Restorative and Rebuilding energy. I have a lot of work ahead, and I feel ready and able to do it.

The name of the game for 2013 is Balance. I know it's a cliche: work, rest, friends, hobbies, chores, exercise, books to read, movies to watch, places to go, everything we do we need to balance so none of it gets left out, and everybody struggles with this. I think I'm really really poor at this, however. I know I put off the time-consuming pleasures like calling a friend or going for a walk because I don't deserve it yet, I need to get more accomplished first, I'm still too behind on all those responsibilities and obligations.

I'm not sure how to reset that thinking- yelling at myself doesn't work, making lists or schedules doesn't either. I know better, yet it's a pattern that's all to easy to follow. I've begun the barest steps already. After dark I tend to hole up in my warm bedroom, so I've begun getting up earlier (I am still on holiday break after all, and finally getting enough sleep!) and making sure I get chores done in the other parts of my house, where I can see the windows and the outside. It's too cold out for me to just go for a walk, but today I plan to trot the garbage up the hill to the dumpster on foot! I tend to easily lose my connection to the outside world, both with nature and with people. I call myself an Outgoing Introvert, and these days at home reinforce that. Maybe if I had all the time in the world to rest and relax I would start getting out more, but for now since I don't have to, I revel in being home alone! My days will be happily people filled very soon, and this time to myself is healing to my soul.

2013 is starting off with a bang- I have major work to do to strengthen my pilates business, I will be celebrating the 5 year anniversary of my studio in a couple weeks, and next week marks a personal anniversary with the special man in my life. After tomorrow, the studio re-opens and all the planning and expectations I have for myself come due. I can't wait to check in on this Check In after a month and see what's what.